Wednesday, June 06, 2012

i do not understand.

I have sincerely, truly always believed that everything happens for a reason.  From a religious perspective, I suppose I drank the Kool-Aid on the whole "I know the plans I have for you" thing. From a secular perspective, I suppose I'm a fatalist.  I don't know why, but it's always been firmly rooted in my psyche.  I suppose it helps me deal with things I don't like or particularly understand. I can even come up with reasons.  My grandmother passed away a week before my wedding, and I am convinced that it happened because she was too sick to attend my wedding in Memphis, thus she passed away so she could be there in spirit.  M's daddy passed away a week before T was born, and I know that he passed when he did because he was too ill to be a part of T's life and because his continuing to be so ill would've kept M from being fully present at the birth of his son and during the first weeks of his life.

I deeply believe these things.  I believe that every disappointment happens because the true purpose of life is just around the corner and couldn't be realized in any other way.

But today, my belief is massively shaken.

Many of you have followed Lucy Krull's struggle simply because of that little button on the sidebar of my blog.  Others of you, like me, know Kate and Erik.

I simply cannot understand why a child, Kate's sweet angel baby, should be put through this.  I cannot understand why she'd be made to suffer so much already, only to have it happen again.  I cannot understand how this can possibly be part of the plan for Lucy, for Kate or Erik, for Ella, or for Jack, who will likely not remember his beautiful, blonde older sister.

I feel lost today.

So, I can't honestly imagine the gut-wrenching reality that the Krull family is going through right now.  I can't fathom being in a place where you sincerely pray for mercy for your child after you've already sent up so many thousands of prayers to save her.

I don't generally ask for prayers. I always think it sounds hokey or selfish, and I think it gets overused for the wrong reasons.  But I'm asking you to pray or meditate or do whatever you do to communicate with the universe.  I'm asking you to pray for Lucy and the Krull family.

Then spend today being extra thankful for your own blessings because you might not always have them.


Sarah Berry said...

I just read their blog for the first time this morning b/c of your FB post and I feel 100% the same way you do about all of it.

I feel sick... for them, for you, for all of the parents and children that would ever have to endure this, for all of the parents that fear they would have to endure this... all of it.

Wonderland2 said...

I torture myself regularly with this very question. I am so very sorry to hear about your friends. They are in my thoughts today. And you are in my thoughts always. Love.

Lesley said...

I've been following their blog for the entire journey, and I cried yesterday when I found out that the cancer is back. I have been praying almost all day and night asking why did this happen and what is the reason. I ache for them.